I just spent the last week holding my college roommate's baby. She has waited so long for the right man to come along and has moved in with him, married him and had a baby all within 18 months! Her husband reminds me of Paul in so many ways. Good and bad, lol. When we talk about our relationships we have plenty of common ground, let's just say that! Now she's had a baby. I'm so happy for her. She'd been so good about coming out to WA to visit when I just had too many little kids to make the trip to Chicago despite dozens of promises to do so. She'd finally realize it wasn't going to happen unless she came out. We'd go wine tasting, to visit the San Juans, etc. Nice long, girl's weekends that would remind me who I was besides just a wife and mother. She adored my funny kids, held my babies. I remember being on one weekend in the San Juans and we were in the B&B hot tub drinking wine and looking at the stars and talking about life in general and I said something about "when you have kids" she stopped me and said something profound, "do you realize you are the only one who says 'when' you have kids to me instead of 'if'"? I could tell it meant a lot to her that I was holding on to the dream for her.
My friend is one of those that is so weaved into your life you can't imagine a time before knowing her. You may not talk daily or even go months without talking, but when you do the connection is instant and you just pickup where you left off. You know that no matter what the connection will be there, even though you live thousands of miles away. As our lives have woven we've sometimes seen each other several times in a year (this year) or not in person for several years, especially because our "stages" of life have not been in sync. Our paths have woven different ways and it's a joy in the moments when they weave close enough for a visit and we are able to come together, and we are both patient in the times when they are further away.
Because of this weaving back and forth I was a little (not totally!) surprised when she asked me to be the matron of honor at her wedding (she was at mine-now I'm wondering how surprised she was when I asked her-I've never asked!) I've been back to Chicago now, where I went to school for 2 years, 4 times in the last year-her bridal shower/help her move in with her husband last summer when I came for a few days, then P and the kids joined (we went to dinner, but the kids were so tired they slept through the meal), her wedding that I attended with P and now to visit her baby.
Visiting a new baby. Is there anything sweeter? She'd been texting the typical new mom stuff, "he's crying! I'm crying! I can't set him down! I'm losing my mind!" I went back into the recesses of my mind to offer assurances that all this was normal and would not last forever. Frankly I went through it so long ago (about 5-6 years!) that I barely remembered it and had to look up some stuff like growth spurts and breastfeeding tips online. I knew, now being on the other side, that things will work out but I also remember the desperate exhaustion, the emotional roller coaster, etc.
I came to meet him. He was fussy (by day 4 I finally remembered having a few months when my own babies lived in a front pack) but not colicky and, typical baby, wanted to eat all the time, be held, and was still figuring out what made him happy (he'd not quite figured it all out yet, explaining the crying). Oh, but he smelled that sweet milky baby smell and sighed those sweet baby sighs of peaceful sleeping on an adult and had those tiny hands, feet and small facial features that make a woman's ovaries cry out in ecstasy. I adored the days of cuddling and she was very happy having someone home with her, someone to try different ways to stop him from crying, being able to take a shower, nap, interview nannies, etc. It was a very good visit of mutual appreciation. I appreciated the days of snuggling a baby I thought were gone (my "baby" will be 7 and I don't have any other friends sowing their seeds at the moment) and she appreciated someone who had lived through this completely overwhelming stage of life and lived to tell the tale.
Another friend texted while I was there asking if my ovaries were in fact screaming and I can honestly say they were not. For many years after having my last baby, they did ache when handing back a new baby but I've come to terms with our being done with that stage. I always say if the universe handed me a baby I'd gladly take it, but I'm done seeking it. My body is done having babies and I'm enjoying the people that my kids are becoming. I always thought 4 kids would be a lot and have found 3 children (2 of them high energy!) is what my sanity can handle and I feel busy when all 3 are home. I like that I can enjoy all of them without the distraction of the immense amount of time and energy a baby takes. I am sleeping as much through the night as an almost 40 year old can and when I'm not tired, I have patience and enjoy them. There's a kind of maturity I've found at the stage in life I'm at (school aged children-the oldest almost junior high age) that's peaceful. The weekend reminded me of this. However, I did find I was able to have patience with a baby that I didn't have when I was in that stage, and even with a crying baby on the other side of the wall from my guest room 3 times a night, the last two nights I was there, I slept more soundly than I had in a few months.
We cried upon parting because it was such a good visit. She joked that I may have to stay until she hired a nanny, but I know she's got this. She's got a good partner, she's a wonderful mom (she just may not fully realize it yet, but I hope when she gets to the stage I'm at, she will!) I'm so glad I went. It gave me a peace I've not felt in awhile (I go through stages where I feel "unsettled" for weeks at a time and I'd had one before leaving). I'm glad P talked me into taking a plane ticket for Mother's Day. It turned out to be the perfect gift.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
The Dream
I just returned from several days visiting a friend and her new baby. I will write a post about it, but something just happened so jarring that I need to write about it instead. I've just been waken up by the second dream I've had about my late grandfather. For the second time I've awakened in suffocating, jagging sobs that shock and startle my poor, sleeping husband.
Grandpa was a quiet, reliable, calm figure in my childhood. My saw my grandparents, my father's parents usually at least once a month. They lived in a good sized house with backyard in NE Tacoma, WA. They'd bought the land and built the house 50 years prior when the land was just being developed for houses. A school ended up across the street and they ended up adding on to the house when more children filled it than seemed comfortable. Grandpa had a large garage with every tool imaginable and could usually be found out there making something useful for Grandma or a toy or gift for one of us many kids and grandkids. Grandpa worked for an airline and grandma stayed at home. They had 5 children including my dad as well as a huge amount of foster kids over the year (If I'm remembering correctly it was over 40). Grandpa was a quiet man who loved children and had a sly sense of humor you'd miss unless you were paying attention. Grandma has always been the talker in the relationship. Shortly after we moved to Canada, Grandpa had a hard fall and things looked so bad I was urged to come home and see him. I bought a next day ticket and spent a week with him. He'd had a brain bleed and wasn't speaking but seemed happy to see me. During the week hospice was called in and the family had a meeting with him sitting among us. The next day he started to speak, slowly and garbled, but he seemed a bit ticked off we'd called hospice on him. He lived another two years just to show us he could.
I'd told Grandma while I was visiting that the trip was my good bye to him and if there was a funeral, I wouldn't be back for it (I didn't know at the time he'd live another 2 years!) She told me they had so many friends and family it would be alright. We both agreed it was better for me to visit grandpa while he was alive. Grandpa recovered enough from the incident that I, P and the kids were able to visit with him a few times more and he'd be happy we'd come but not really say much. Then, while my mom was visiting in January after a Christmas we were in Canada, we got word that Grandpa had passed away. Since my mom had just been out I decided not to attend the funeral. I'd always assumed I'd go. I thought it would be great to hear stories about Grandpa I may not had heard, but I had already said my goodbye and I talked to my Grandma stating as much and saying if she needed me there that I would go. We agreed again that she would have plenty of support and I could stay home. (She did, the church was packed). I didn't cry. I was sad, but I actually took it fairly well. It's not like it was sudden. His health had been declining over the previous 2 years and I'd said my goodbyes and made peace with it. I thought. The U of WA has his body for Parkinson's research and should give it back for cremation sometime in the next 3 years. Hopefully that will coincide with a trip we can join to spread his ashes at Paradise on Mount Rainier.
Now, though, I've been awakened by a 2nd dream of Grandpa. 2 in the last 18 months. It's been awhile since the first one. I dreamt about him so vividly that first time. I was shocked at how real the dream seemed and shocked at my reaction of crying so violently upon waking up. It stuck with me for a few days.
This morning there was more of a dream context. I'd driven down to visit grandma very early in the morning before work to deliver a birthday present. I was surprised to see her as well as my parents and an uncle from my mom's side of the family that has been helping to care for my other grandparents (my grandparents had a bit of a health scare over the last month, so I've had them on my mind a lot). I slid the gift over the counter to keep the surprise. I was chatting with them and suddenly noticed Grandpa sitting with us. He was very small, like the size of my daughter, quiet, but sitting next to grandma. Everyone went away but Grandpa and I gathered him up in my arms and held him like the baby I'd been holding over the last week. He was the size of a child, but very light. I walked him over to where Grandma was getting dialysis (ok, I'd fallen asleep after watching John Oliver's show about dialysis eating more caramel M&Ms than I should have and a bottle of cider-probably not the most conducive way to fall into a deep, restful sleep). I think she mentioned something casually about me holding him. She didn't seem surprised and mentioned he'd shown up about a week ago. Didn't say anything to her, but was very comforting and stayed with her. I was shocked she'd not said anything and was asking her, "tell me what you know about this? He's here?" etc. I kept asking her questions and she was silent. I realized she'd died talking to me and then Grandpa was also gone. He'd come to get her. I woke up sobbing. I don't think it was because Grandma had died, I think it was so vivid and lovely to see him and get to hold him and so sweet of him to come for her so she wouldn't be scared. Their love was always like that and it seemed like a very plausible thing for him to do. I woke up the same way I'd waken up from the first dream, with such a longing to see him it hurt.
I probably had the dream because I'd talked to Grandma the day before and my other grandparents the day of and had spent the week holding a sleepy baby of a friend who knows me well and my Grandparents. I just never seem prepared for it.
Grandpa was a quiet, reliable, calm figure in my childhood. My saw my grandparents, my father's parents usually at least once a month. They lived in a good sized house with backyard in NE Tacoma, WA. They'd bought the land and built the house 50 years prior when the land was just being developed for houses. A school ended up across the street and they ended up adding on to the house when more children filled it than seemed comfortable. Grandpa had a large garage with every tool imaginable and could usually be found out there making something useful for Grandma or a toy or gift for one of us many kids and grandkids. Grandpa worked for an airline and grandma stayed at home. They had 5 children including my dad as well as a huge amount of foster kids over the year (If I'm remembering correctly it was over 40). Grandpa was a quiet man who loved children and had a sly sense of humor you'd miss unless you were paying attention. Grandma has always been the talker in the relationship. Shortly after we moved to Canada, Grandpa had a hard fall and things looked so bad I was urged to come home and see him. I bought a next day ticket and spent a week with him. He'd had a brain bleed and wasn't speaking but seemed happy to see me. During the week hospice was called in and the family had a meeting with him sitting among us. The next day he started to speak, slowly and garbled, but he seemed a bit ticked off we'd called hospice on him. He lived another two years just to show us he could.
I'd told Grandma while I was visiting that the trip was my good bye to him and if there was a funeral, I wouldn't be back for it (I didn't know at the time he'd live another 2 years!) She told me they had so many friends and family it would be alright. We both agreed it was better for me to visit grandpa while he was alive. Grandpa recovered enough from the incident that I, P and the kids were able to visit with him a few times more and he'd be happy we'd come but not really say much. Then, while my mom was visiting in January after a Christmas we were in Canada, we got word that Grandpa had passed away. Since my mom had just been out I decided not to attend the funeral. I'd always assumed I'd go. I thought it would be great to hear stories about Grandpa I may not had heard, but I had already said my goodbye and I talked to my Grandma stating as much and saying if she needed me there that I would go. We agreed again that she would have plenty of support and I could stay home. (She did, the church was packed). I didn't cry. I was sad, but I actually took it fairly well. It's not like it was sudden. His health had been declining over the previous 2 years and I'd said my goodbyes and made peace with it. I thought. The U of WA has his body for Parkinson's research and should give it back for cremation sometime in the next 3 years. Hopefully that will coincide with a trip we can join to spread his ashes at Paradise on Mount Rainier.
Now, though, I've been awakened by a 2nd dream of Grandpa. 2 in the last 18 months. It's been awhile since the first one. I dreamt about him so vividly that first time. I was shocked at how real the dream seemed and shocked at my reaction of crying so violently upon waking up. It stuck with me for a few days.
This morning there was more of a dream context. I'd driven down to visit grandma very early in the morning before work to deliver a birthday present. I was surprised to see her as well as my parents and an uncle from my mom's side of the family that has been helping to care for my other grandparents (my grandparents had a bit of a health scare over the last month, so I've had them on my mind a lot). I slid the gift over the counter to keep the surprise. I was chatting with them and suddenly noticed Grandpa sitting with us. He was very small, like the size of my daughter, quiet, but sitting next to grandma. Everyone went away but Grandpa and I gathered him up in my arms and held him like the baby I'd been holding over the last week. He was the size of a child, but very light. I walked him over to where Grandma was getting dialysis (ok, I'd fallen asleep after watching John Oliver's show about dialysis eating more caramel M&Ms than I should have and a bottle of cider-probably not the most conducive way to fall into a deep, restful sleep). I think she mentioned something casually about me holding him. She didn't seem surprised and mentioned he'd shown up about a week ago. Didn't say anything to her, but was very comforting and stayed with her. I was shocked she'd not said anything and was asking her, "tell me what you know about this? He's here?" etc. I kept asking her questions and she was silent. I realized she'd died talking to me and then Grandpa was also gone. He'd come to get her. I woke up sobbing. I don't think it was because Grandma had died, I think it was so vivid and lovely to see him and get to hold him and so sweet of him to come for her so she wouldn't be scared. Their love was always like that and it seemed like a very plausible thing for him to do. I woke up the same way I'd waken up from the first dream, with such a longing to see him it hurt.
I probably had the dream because I'd talked to Grandma the day before and my other grandparents the day of and had spent the week holding a sleepy baby of a friend who knows me well and my Grandparents. I just never seem prepared for it.
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Easter!
I know Easter is late this year so I should have been ready. To be fair it's also landing on American Tax Day this year!
We ended up finding our bunny treats, dying eggs and then heading to church all by 10am!
We ended up finding our bunny treats, dying eggs and then heading to church all by 10am!
The Winning continues! Curling....
P won the A flight for Club Championships, I and my ladies won the B flight (I play 2nd), the little kids won the Little Rocker's Bonspeil. I also got out of 3 ladies draws, 1 first place and 2 second place prizes and my Thursday night ladies team won the B flight championship for that night.
H's acceptance speech.
H's acceptance speech.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
H has a great week
Friday night we went to H's ice skating awards banquet. Each kid got a participation trophy.
He's just finished his Level 3 badge meaning we are looking at moving to specifically figure skating next year. They also gave a couple of specialty awards. We have not been at this banquet before so I can neither confirm nor deny they made this award up just for him, but.....
They gave out an award for dedication to the sport, "oh, that's going to be me, mom" another child's name is called. H says, "oh, well, maybe I will win next year." then another award-perseverance I believe "oh, that will be me" (he has won that award 2 x at school in the last 3 years, so....) another child's name called. "oh, maybe next year." Then, "Fastest Skater" "mom, that's going to be me!!!" Sure enough, he ran up to the stage as they quipped, "now you can see why he's the fastest, he moves really fast!"
Then today, Wednesday he got an award for showing the character trait of the month-courage
He's just finished his Level 3 badge meaning we are looking at moving to specifically figure skating next year. They also gave a couple of specialty awards. We have not been at this banquet before so I can neither confirm nor deny they made this award up just for him, but.....
They gave out an award for dedication to the sport, "oh, that's going to be me, mom" another child's name is called. H says, "oh, well, maybe I will win next year." then another award-perseverance I believe "oh, that will be me" (he has won that award 2 x at school in the last 3 years, so....) another child's name called. "oh, maybe next year." Then, "Fastest Skater" "mom, that's going to be me!!!" Sure enough, he ran up to the stage as they quipped, "now you can see why he's the fastest, he moves really fast!"
Then today, Wednesday he got an award for showing the character trait of the month-courage
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Winter... ah... Canadian Winter...
That time of year is finally over. I just like to hibernate in the Canadian winter. Let's catch you up with what we've been up to, shall we?
When we last left off the kids had completed their Christmas programs-they only did the afternoon performance because that night we were on a plane to visit WA state....
V renewed her friendship with Jarvis the dog after everyone else discovered she was cheating at Mille Bornes and wouldn't play with her anymore...
We took a trip to the deserted Jetty Island as there's no ferries running this time of year...
We visited with my dad's side of the family and stole presents from each other...
The kids went for their first ballet with my dad and us parents. H was enthralled and asked questions throughout. My favorite... (during the sugar plum dance) "You know what this dance needs? Marshmallows. But I bet that would be a very heavy costume-you'd have to give that part to one of the better dancers"
Sadly, they did not end up in nationals and have now parted ways, but P made it to provincials for intermediates (35+ men) and will be heading there for Mixed with one of his US teammates later this month, so he's still curling, just closer to home.
We got home and got to work-we finally got a proper cellar door on the cold storage in the back of my closet. It's still cold, so I think we still have to insulate under the stairs, but this closes so much nicer than what was there before...
H replaced two light switches that had broken and we learned about aluminum wiring in 1970s homes... I replaced a light fixture to match one in the same hallway.
(the downside of having forest and open land behind your property)
C got an award for Optimism at school (it was pajama day as well)
P and I got to try outdoor curling at an event in front of city hall run by the curling club as part of the 2017 150th celebration of Canada...
The Scotties Tournament of Hearts (Women's national championship) was in St. Catherines Ontario this year which is really close to our house, so we took the kids for Family Day to celebrate P's birthday
I also went another day with my Women's club championship team
V continues to sleep very well every night...
Our March has been very exciting. First a windstorm took down the giant tree in front of our house and pulled up shingles. The tree also pulled down the internet and electricity/hydro as well as the stack attaching them to our house. We decided between all this we'd file our first homeowner's insurance claim which is super fun.
I'm not working for a Canadian firm doing taxes this year but keep myself busy curling 4 times a week, teaching the kids curling on the weekend and doing US taxes in the basement during the day.
On this first day of spring, they've finished taking the fallen tree (there's still a mess, but that will get to the next post), I'm busy with US taxes and the kids are moving around their schedule a little. H is trying out figure skating now that he's got his 3 lower skating badges and V is still steadily working to pass Swimmer 4 so she can try diving and swim team this summer. It's curling playoff season and then C will start up Intermediate Fencing.
When we last left off the kids had completed their Christmas programs-they only did the afternoon performance because that night we were on a plane to visit WA state....
We took a trip to the deserted Jetty Island as there's no ferries running this time of year...
We visited with my dad's side of the family and stole presents from each other...
We opened our stockings, including P who had two 1/2 pound Reeses cups in his-one was breakfast...
... and my mom's side of the family where the kids collected money from generous family members...
... the kids thanked Santa/Uncle E for their stockings...
The kids went for their first ballet with my dad and us parents. H was enthralled and asked questions throughout. My favorite... (during the sugar plum dance) "You know what this dance needs? Marshmallows. But I bet that would be a very heavy costume-you'd have to give that part to one of the better dancers"
We visited my brother so the kids could spar with their super-tall cousin
We checked out the Warm Beach lights
The kids flew home with me while P flew to Minnesota to play down for US Nationals curling to be held in Everett, WA in Feb 2017.
We got home and got to work-we finally got a proper cellar door on the cold storage in the back of my closet. It's still cold, so I think we still have to insulate under the stairs, but this closes so much nicer than what was there before...
H replaced two light switches that had broken and we learned about aluminum wiring in 1970s homes... I replaced a light fixture to match one in the same hallway.
We also decided we'd had enough of mice stealing my yardwork gloves and squirrels hiding their walnuts in the shed as well as finding nests with poop and pee in them and took a day to staple chicken wire in the eaves of our shed
C got an award for Optimism at school (it was pajama day as well)
P and I got to try outdoor curling at an event in front of city hall run by the curling club as part of the 2017 150th celebration of Canada...
the kids made valentines for their classmates
The Scotties Tournament of Hearts (Women's national championship) was in St. Catherines Ontario this year which is really close to our house, so we took the kids for Family Day to celebrate P's birthday
I also went another day with my Women's club championship team
E and her team won a local 2-day Ladies bonspeil. Sadly we don't keep the trophy but our names will be engraved on a plaque on it. We also won our entry fee back. The food was amazing seafood as well as very fun Newfoundland themed entertainment.
V continues to sleep very well every night...
Our March has been very exciting. First a windstorm took down the giant tree in front of our house and pulled up shingles. The tree also pulled down the internet and electricity/hydro as well as the stack attaching them to our house. We decided between all this we'd file our first homeowner's insurance claim which is super fun.
On the plus side, we've always wanted more light in our dining room (front left window).
5 days later it snowed for 48 hours straight...
I'm not working for a Canadian firm doing taxes this year but keep myself busy curling 4 times a week, teaching the kids curling on the weekend and doing US taxes in the basement during the day.
On this first day of spring, they've finished taking the fallen tree (there's still a mess, but that will get to the next post), I'm busy with US taxes and the kids are moving around their schedule a little. H is trying out figure skating now that he's got his 3 lower skating badges and V is still steadily working to pass Swimmer 4 so she can try diving and swim team this summer. It's curling playoff season and then C will start up Intermediate Fencing.
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